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  “It's normal for us.” He was right. But I still thought there was something more.

  “I think we could be. But I don't know that much about it.”

  I pointed to the cup because I needed to ash too. He lifted it up, holding it out for me as I tapped the glass.

  “I think my mom had something in her spell book about it. Would you go to Rockport with me to get it?”

  “Can I meet your dad?” I turned to look at him and made a face.

  “No.”

  “Then I won't go with you.”

  I could have gone alone, but that would have meant I would have to spend time away from him.

  “Okay, fine.” I leaned over him to put the cigarette out in the cup.

  It couldn’t be that bad. I hadn’t seen my dad since the funeral, and he would be a little bit upset that I brought a boy home without telling him.

  “I'm going to bed.” I lifted myself up off the ground, and handed Alex the blanket. I knew he would be up for a while longer while he finished his project. He was working on a comic about a girl superhero named Maddie who had the power to influence people’s emotions, and could get them to do what she wanted. She was a vigilante, but as much as she tried to use her powers for good, she was never recognized as a real hero. She made a few too many mistakes. I never wondered where he got his inspiration from.

  “Close the window.” I told him, as I walked away.

  “I need to let it air out." He shifted his weight toward me.

  “It's cold.”

  “This was your idea.”

  “I know.” I walked away into his room closing the door behind me. I thought about tempting him into coming to bed with me. But I knew he did what he loved, and I didn’t want to distract him from doing his best with his art. So I walked into his bed alone, taking off all my clothes to sleep naked. I wanted to tempt him when he finally did decide to go to bed. I knew he would climb in wrapping himself around me, feeling me under the covers.

  I couldn’t say I was excited to go back to my hometown so soon after my mom died, but my curiosity was getting the best of me. I wanted to take my mother’s book with me when I left, but while I was packing for some reason, it didn’t come to mind. I thought about it again after I got home and thought about going back to get it. The book had been around for hundreds of years, and had a lot of spells and recipes that I didn’t get to learn yet.

  When I woke up, Alex was cooking breakfast in the kitchen. I could smell the coffee and bacon all the way in his bedroom. I wanted to leave early so we could get in and back home before it got dark. I hadn't looked at that book in a long time. She showed it to me when I was really small, when I thought I remembered seeing it in the book.

  I wanted to avoid my dad, but Alex didn't like that. He wanted everyone to know I was with him. He always had to touch my butt or sneak a kiss, either on the lips or on my neck. The neck kissing was a bit more possessive but no one said I didn't enjoy it.

  When I got up I had to find something, to at least put on my bottom half. Not that I needed to be decent, since it was just the two of us. I found a pair of my underwear on the floor, picked it up and smelled it. I might have worn them once, but they were fresh enough to wear again until I took a shower.

  I needed to do laundry. The last three days, I spent with Alex at his apartment. We usually switched more often, but the past two days we didn't even leave. There was an old t-shirt of his laying on the dresser, so I grabbed it and slipped it on too. My flattened black slippers waited for me by the door. I slipped one foot in, then the other and shuffled out the door.

  When I got to the dining table he was already almost done. I fiddled with the top of the black chair, with my finger nail. His mood was different that morning. He wasn't usually a morning person, and stayed in bed with me until the last possible second.

  “What time do you want to leave?” He turned to look at me, managing a slight smile. His eyes lingered on my bare legs, then turned back to what he was doing.

  “I don't know. We could probably leave around 10.” I didn't want to have to stay longer than we needed, so getting there before lunch-time would be perfect. My dad would most likely be too busy at the restaurant to have any kind of meaningful visit.

  We ate our breakfast quickly, and did the dishes before we started to get ready. In the shower my brain started wandering toward home. Then, I thought about my mom. She would have loved Alex.

  A slightly tolerable pain of loss lingered in my chest for the first time since she died. I would have given a lot for my mom to have met Alex. There wasn't much she could have given me except being a grandma. But, I didn't really like the idea of having kids. Passing my magic down was about the only thing I had to offer. So, she might not have ever been a grandma anyway.

  I found a folded up Velvet Underground t-shirt at the bottom of my bag and chose a pair of high-rise jeans. Alex looked like he put a little bit more effort in his outfit than I did.

  He had a few dress shirts meant for intern interviews. One of them I bought for him so he had an excuse to take me out someplace really fancy. But they all just sat at the back of the closet. He tried to wear one of those, but I convinced him he looked like an idiot and that my dad wouldn't care what he was wearing. He chose a Star Wars t-shirt instead.

  “Are you ready?” I looked over at him putting cologne on.

  “Yes.” He replied, patting his neck.

  He grabbed his watch off the dresser, and threw his beat up black Converse on. We headed toward the door and turned all the lights off before locking the door behind us.

  The drive there was mostly spent without talking and listening to music. I had control of the stereo because it was my car, and I was driving. Every once in a while Alex made me look at something he thought was cool, because he had never driven that way before. He'd only been to Boston and hadn't had a chance to see the rest of the state.

  It made me appreciate the drive a little more, getting to see it through someone's eyes who hadn't seen it their whole life. The road was icy so I had to drive slowly but we still made good time.

  The house was dark when we pulled up and my dad's car wasn't in the driveway, which meant he was already at work. The restaurant didn't open until later but he liked to go in early for inventory and to start prep before Danny got there.

  Alex jumped out of the car as soon as I shifted it into park. He made his way around my side of the car and opened the door for me. I hated when he did that. But, he liked it. He insisted he enjoyed doing it for me, so I just let him. It wasn't really doing any harm.

  I stepped down onto the iced pavement. It was weird being home, I hadn't planned on going back until the summer. But even then I considered staying in Boston. I didn't live in student housing, so I didn't have to terminate my lease. I had gone home other summers before to see my mom.

  The door jolted open and the staircase stretched in front of us. He hadn't cleaned anything since I left. I expected him to be depressed, but not that bad. If I knew he was neglecting our historical house I would have hired a maid for him.

  I stepped past the staircase and peered into the kitchen. The only room that looked pristine, everything else looked like it was from an abandoned house.

  “Their bedroom is upstairs. I think that's where she kept the book.”

  He looked at me and nodded.

  When I got to the doorway I stopped and peered into the room that looked more like a time capsule. Nothing had changed from the day I left. Not even my dad's side of the bed, which meant he was probably sleeping somewhere else.

  “Do you need me to go in there and find it?” I heard Alex ask from behind me.

  I didn't give him an answer right away so he moved closer to me and wrapped his hands around my waist. I could feel his face get closer to my hair. He used his free hand to move my curls out of my face.

  “I think I can do it.”

  She probably would have hid it somewhere. It was a powerful book and it held a lot of
powerful information in it. In the wrong hands, it could have caused some serious damage.

  I stepped into the room and it felt heavy. A lot of negative energy lingered in the room. My parents didn't have a bad relationship as far as I could tell. But that was only the second time I'd been in their bedroom since I was much smaller.

  I got down on my knees and lifted the comforter to glance under the bed, and there it was. She didn't even have it in a box, or anything. It just sat under the bed-frame collecting grime. I reached my arm in and grabbed the book. It was leather bound and really old. It had been rebound so many times I didn't think the original binding was still there. There had to be at least seven generations of writing in it.

  The book wasn't as dusty as the rest of the stuff shoved under the bed, and there was a space cleared in front of it from when it was shoved under there.

  I slid back out and sat back up on my knees with the book in my lap. My hand brushed the top of the book sending small dust particles scattering through the air, glowing in the streaks of sunlight all around my head.

  'Leabhar Litrithe O'Clery' It translated to O'Clery Spell Book.

  That was my mom's maiden name.

  I flipped open the front cover and scrawled on both pages were the names of everyone who owned the book. I ran my finger up to find the first owner.

  ‘Niamh O’Cleary'

  My finger grazed down each name. My mom must have been the only one who took her husband's last name. If she hadn't taken my dad's name, I would have been an O'Clery too. But I was Walsh.

  I was hoping it would be Gaumond some day. Alex's last name. Marriage hadn't even crossed my mind until I met him.

  I shook my head and looked back down at the book. I moved the book in my hands, noticing a page that was bookmarked with it’s corner folded down. I flipped it open and saw that it was a resurrection spell. In the crease of the book, there was a small piece of paper with something scribbled on it. It was my dad's handwriting.

  He had been re-writing the spell in hopes of bringing my mom back. There were a few spots on the ink, they formed a wet circle made from tears landing on the page as he wrote. Then I saw the blood. It was shaped in a large finger print at the edge from when he was holding it.

  The paper was flattened, and because of the speed the words were written he must have done it right after he found her, while he was waiting for me and the coroner to show up.

  I thought about my dad kneeling in her blood, trying to revive her with no luck. He thought what she did was selfish but tried to bring her back anyway.

  “This is it.” I closed the book and stood up brushing my hands down my pants, straightening out the creases.

  Alex was standing in the doorway, watching me with his hands shoved in his front pocket. I started to walk past him to go back to the car, but he grabbed me as soon as I tried to get past him, turning me around and backing me into the wall in the hallway.

  He kissed me and I kissed back, but pulled away quickly. I didn't want to do that in front of their bedroom.

  “I have a room here still.”

  “Perfect.” I led him downstairs to my room. The door was still closed from when I was here last. I turned the doorknob and opened the door, letting it hit the wall behind it. I sat the book down on a small table just in time for Alex to push me hard onto the bed. He didn't hesitate, kicking the door closed and locking it. He crawled on top of me, kissing me from my belly button up to my chin and then my lips.

  He pushed harder into me and slipped one of his hands into the back of my underwear. I looked up at the hand made curtains while he kissed my neck. I thought about all the boys that had been in my bed through high school. It was a long time ago, but I still felt the energy of the one night stands in my sheets.

  There was only one girl and my dad was out of town, we got stoned by the ocean. I didn't really like girls, but she knew how to do what most high school boys didn't. I closed my eyes, feeling Alex move his hand from the back of me to the front.

  None of them could have made me feel the way that Alex did, so even if he could feel their energy too, they couldn't compare. I felt him slide his finger into me and I reached down to pull my jeans all the way off and undo his jeans. Then I heard the front door open with a slam.

  “Shh..” I pulled his hand away from me.

  “What?”

  “I think my dad is home.”

  “So?” He moved me back so I was laying flat against the bed again.

  He moved down and pushed me back so he could lay on the bed in front of me.

  We had to come up with an excuse why we were in the house without telling my dad we were there for the book. Luckily he hadn't heard us upstairs yet, but he'd be wondering why my car was in the driveway.

  “What?”

  “Sh." I listened closer.

  I thought he had left but I then heard someone rummaging around in the kitchen. I grabbed the rest of my clothes and put them on. Alex did the same and I walked toward the door and it creaked open.

  The commotion stopped.

  "Wendy?” That was my moms name.

  I looked at Alex then back out the door, trying to decide what to do.

  “No. Dad it's me…Mara.” I yelled back down.

  He sighed loud enough for me to hear from my bedroom.

  “Why didn't you tell me you were coming home? I would have been here and made you something to eat.” I dragged Alex down the stairs. Both our shoes made noises as we descended.

  “Is someone with you?" I hesitated and considered lying, making Alex go back upstairs and wait until my dad left.

  He wouldn't do that even if I asked him to.

  “You didn't tell him about me?” He whispered disappointedly.

  I shook my head and mouthed ‘sorry’.

  “Yes.” I yelled back to my dad. When we got to the bottom of the steps he was right in front of us.

  “Who is this?” He flashed his eyes at Alex and then back at me.

  “This is Alex. He's my boyfriend.” Alex walked past me and reached his hand out to shake my dad's hand. We hadn’t used the term yet, but I figured if he was upset that I didn’t tell my dad about him, he’d wanted me to call him that.

  “Shep." He met his hand and shook it.

  “It's nice to meet you, Sir. I like your daughter very much. I hope you don't mind, we came by to say hello, and so that I could meet you."

  “It's…nice to meet you too I guess.”

  “Well, we have to go.” I grabbed Alex's hand and remembered I left the book upstairs. We would have to go back later to get it when I knew he had gone back to the restaurant.

  “Why don't you guys stay, I'll make something for lunch…or you could stop by the restaurant.” It was the opportunity I was looking for to get him out, so I could grab the book.

  “Why don't we meet you at the restaurant?”

  “Okay…yeah that sounds good, bug."

  My lips reached upward to form a smile.

  I leaned in for an awkward hug, and my dad and Alex shook hands again. As soon as I heard the door close I ran upstairs to grab the book. Alex waited downstairs.

  When I got to my room, I grabbed the book and a jacket I had forgotten to pack before. I exited the room and eyed the stairs leading up to the third floor. Part of me wanted to go up there again, alone. I shook the feeling and headed back down the stairs. If my dad called out her name, he might have seen her. I hadn't been able to grieve and if I saw her I wouldn't know what to do.

  I wasn't the type of witch who could see spirits normally. But every once in a while, I saw a shadow or something that resembled what I thought a spirit would look like. From what I knew they didn't hang out for long unless they had some kind of unfinished business.

  I didn’t go looking for them either. I left them alone and I hoped that meant they would leave me alone, too. I didn’t like the idea of talking to dead people, it creeped me out. I especially didn’t want to see my mom as a spirit. Not only would it c
ompletely confirm that she was gone from her earthly body for good, but I was afraid that her delusions would continue in her spirit form.

  When I got down the stairs, Alex wasn't waiting where I left him.

  “Alex?” I hollered down the main hallway.

  “I'm in here!”

  He was in my dad's office. I walked in and he was sitting in the leather chair. It made me a little bit uncomfortable, but I didn't say anything. He had shuffled through some drawers and pulled out a stack of pictures from the middle left drawer.

  I walked over and I moved him back so I could sit on his leg. The pile of pictures he found were all old, from when I was little and before my mom started to get sick.

  “How old were you here?” He held up a picture of my dad, my mom, and I at a pumpkin patch. It was probably my Gran that took the picture. I was about five, so that would have been 2003. My mom was wearing a tight shirt that went past her hips, and a small peacoat. My dad was just wearing a baggy t-shirt and denim shorts. He always had dad shoes.

  I had on a matching sweatsuit with my loose curls thrown into pigtails. It was really like they both just left me. I was alone. Gran died and my parents were preoccupied with other things that weren't me.

  He flipped to the next picture. It was from my thirteenth birthday party. My parents had gotten me a cake that was decorated in a witch theme. They thought they were being funny, but you could tell by my face, I was irritated.

  “You looked like you were so mad here." He laughed and flipped the next one.

  It was a picture of my mom when she was my age.

  “That was right before they got married.” I took the picture from Alex's grasp. I realized all of those photos had been hanging on the walls. He took them all down. I folded the picture and put it in my pocket.

  “They got married young?”

  “Yes."

  “Do you want to get married?"

  “Maybe someday.” I started to feel uncomfortable, especially since I had just briefly fantasized about him putting a ring on my finger and changing my last name.

  “Some day?”

  “Yes. Some day. I want to graduate first.”